Sat at my desk last night, glass of wine in hand, just finishing of some work emails that were overdue, perfect timing as My name is Earl was about to start when the phone rang........ it was an occasional fb of mine who i hadn't heard from for ages... I shall call her "Baby Oil" as she never seems to leave home without a bottle in her bag!

She was in a taxi on the way back from a work dinner she had been coerced into, sharing a taxi with a work colleague.... can they pop in for drinks? Hell yes was my instant answer....

Five minutes later there she stood... slightly tipsy..... big grin... open arms..... looking very yum yum.... but then that is often the case with me! Brief description..... short but tiny too so in proportion.... flat stomach...(are you noticing a pattern forming?) long dark brown hair, sort of blueish green eyes, straight teeth, small earlobes, pierced tongue, no tattoos, and best of all.... openminded!

Her mate, I shall call her "Ok then" as those were the words most spoken by her all night was just the right amount of shy, not wall flower, but not in your face lad.... just assured but in strange surroundings. Taller than "Baby Oil" about 5' 5" so no giant..... pretty, great smile... dirty laugh... slim, disproportionately big tits.... note to self... look for signs of modification if the opportunity presents itself! I have a well stocked wine cellar for nights just like this... so I started pulling corks as the three of us sat down....

....I am one of those people who always expects the best to occur, so if two slightly sozzled scantily clad girls arrive wanting in their words "a good time" I instantly think green light for a three way..... what other conclusion could you draw??

As "Ok then" sat down her all too short skirt revealed her stocking tops..... now I have always thought that girls do this on purpose to feel power over men?? I works.... if I was a girl I would flash "innocent" glimpses of underwear whereever I could...... by the time I had opened the second bottle and the girls had shifted seating position several times I knew that "Ok then" had lacy pink knickers on, with a matching camisole top type of thing..... and hold up stockings.... "Baby Oil" either had the smallest g string in the world or no knickers at all... which would be nothing unusual for her, even in a skirt that short...... oh.... and a had a stonking hard on!

I soon decided that my best course of action was to be upfront and see what their reaction was...... however we didn't get that far... "Baby Oil" went to get some nibbles and shouted that she couldn't reach. By the time I had got there she was stood on a chair, on tiptoe trying to reach on top of a cupboard.... as I stood in front of her sweet ass I answered my own earlier question.... tiny g string.... very sexy...... as she turned round I did what any man in the same situation would, running my hands up her thighs I looped my index fingers in either side of her g string and pulled it down..... she stepped out of it smiling, bashed me on the head with with a big bag of Kettle chips and wiggled back to the sittingroom.... I followed with her string looped over my finger.

As I walked back into the room...."Ok then" looked at me smiling.... and said... I suppose you want mine too? ........ hell yes....... what a fantastic night I had...... two horny girls taking turns to fuck me fluff me, suck me, fuck me and fluff me again......

Their taxi picked them up about an hour ago.... I am sat here in my dressing gown, coffee in hand.... big smile.... feeling proper fucked...... I now need to recover in time for Lucy later.......

Maybe seems to be in a near permanent state of froth these days.... since I rebuffed her "love you" comment she has taken on a new vigour and is now one of the horniest women on earth .... with a 24hr "wide on" (girl version of a hard on!)

To be totally frank... this wasn't the reaction I was expecting.... it fact... as the words tumbled out of my mouth I thought as you would that no good would come of it..... how wrong can you be?

On a slightly darker note the gradual demotion of Lucy is on track..... no stalking for several days to the best of my knowledge, which is a step in the right direction. I should have been seeing her last night but bounced her instead for a curry with some mates.... am now seeing her on Friday...... ..... apparently I will have to make it up to her ??? ok then.....

Would still really love to fuck her up the arse... do you think that would fit under that umbrella?

..... a crazy morning and no mistake..... "Maybe" has a habit of becoming a bit clingy when she has a froth on.... and at the moment she most definately has a huge froth on! She was out on her own shopping earlier, so called and popped over for coffee....... now under normal circumstances that is on my list of things to avoid.... after all, a hetrosexual male only has married women round to his place dso he can shag them.... there is no other reason...... especially if "said married woman" wants a chat and a coffee.... there is nothing any good ever going to immerge from such an incounter. It is to my mind akin to going to a lap dancing bar..... what is the point, when for the same money you can get up to your nuts in guts...... to put it poetically!

So "Maybe" chatted as she does.... I ummed and arred in the right places so as to keep the froth a frothin you understand.... we drank our coffee and she stood to go...... and then it happened....

Why would a married woman..... who I am well aware would never leave her Husband.... and wouldn't want her to..... tell me that she loved me???? What the fuck is the point of that?..... what does it achieve?

My response was not as smooth as it could be...... I ummed and erred for a second or two..... and then said "thank you"...... well I know it's wrong, but what am I supposed to say? She hit me..... and went a bit loopy......asking me if I loved her........ so I backed up my "thank you" .... with..... "I love fucking you...... will that do you?".... apparently it wouldn't!!

There was no placating the girl..... her poor ignorant husband is in for a shit weekend and he'll have no idea what he's done wrong!

Whether I have removed the froth remains to be seen....... she is prone to hissy fits on occasion so not seeing her for a few weeks is a frequent event. That's the great thing about shagging married women..... it is only for short periods of time at once.... so they have all the convenience of a hooker without the fiscal outlay!

It is truly bizarre how different a girl can be when she is with you than when she is hunting for bunnies to boil in your absence!

I had a suprisingly good night with her last night..... just to discover where her line in the sand is you understand??

It turns out that even if she wasn't a mentalist she would still be downgraded in the near future ........ cos she wouldn't let me fuck her up the arse...... I mean..... how does she expect to hang onto a man in these modern times if she limits herself in such a way?

Although it does clarify my downgrade decision.... if she had invited her sister or mum to join us for a three way I would have been sat here on the horns of a prickly dilemma.......... mental or not..... a family three way is a family three way....... still I digress, it wasn't on the cards!

I put the foundations of my dismount into play midway through the evening....... girls I'm sure you have had this said to you at some point, and if not you will do at some point?

I waited for the manditory 10 seconds of silence that it needs for a girl to ask whats wrong.. and said that I had had a call from my ex earlier..... and she had wound me up blah, blah, blah....... wish she didn't but she knows how to get to me etc etc........ nothing too much, but sowed the seed of doubt in the nutcases barely lucid mind.

According to the rules of the four date philosophy I am morally obliged to have another date with her.... "to establish that I don't want a fifth date" so that will be my opportunity to feed her a bit more..... but not enough so I don't get laid obviously!...... then a phone call about how unfair it is on her cos I am so messed up by the ex and can we calm things down a bit until I get rid of the ex etc etc..... and hey presto.......bish....bash......bosh....... a home made (slightly unbalanced) fuck buddie!!

What the flying fuck is it that goes through a girls mind once she has had some good sex?????

Un... be.... fucking.... leavable.............

How can it be that a perfectly normal, lucid, in control girl can turn into a freak show in the space of 24 hours? I am gobsmacked at the transformation..... although I have left the door open...... now she is firmly on the back foot the odds of me triple crowning her tomorrow night are significantly improved.... even if I get the feeling that I am sticking my dick in a mincer!

She has spent the last two days texting, ringing, popping in "cos she was passing".... etc.... if I didn't reply within tolerance she would get even more mental......... why oh why oh why are girls .... such fucking nutters???????

lol..... at times it can be charming, but when you are flat out building a company it is necessary to get your head down and work.... I have been in meetings all day and have been badgered senseless in between...... like I said.. unbelievable.

Who thought it was a good idea to attach something as fantastic as a pussy to something as mental as a girl??

Still I'm gonna get my well earned revenge tomorrow night.... hehehe!

It had to happen I suppose..... just when it was bumbling along nicely.... she went and got keen...... this is what happens when you go dishing out multiple orgasms like smarties!!

She has been badgering me all day when I have been flat out trying to get some work done.... so ok I might be a little short tempered due to the current work load, but still ....... girls..... if you don't get a reply to your text instantly it isn't because we couldn't care less (incidentally we could care a whole lot less.... but that's usually when we fuck your mum or you best mate!) it's because a/. we are busy doing something and need to focus on it without distraction, b/. it isn't convenient as we are with people and it's impolite to converse via the text message whilst in the company of others or, c/. we just want some peace and quiet away from your incessant ramblings.

You can have too much of a good thing it seems.... still I only have a couple of dates to go...... so its time to prepare a suitable dismount. I don't like the male staple relationship ender of simply not calling or answering the phone for a while.... whilst still using it on occasion, it does lack.... what the americans call closure and I would hate to think that I left a girl even more mentally scarred than she was when I got there!!

I will use tried and tested dismount number 3......... and attempt the tricky task of demoting current girlfriend in waiting to fuck buddy.... without her noticing........ a rare but not impossible feat!

To return to my football analogy, it can be tricky when you drop a first team player to the bench with the intention of giving them a run out in the second half as and when you need a result..... sometimes they transfer to another club where they can get a game every Saturday!!

I am seeing Lucy on Wednesday..... her line in the sand had better be a long way away...... she needs to recover some house points with some seriously filthy monkey lovin!

I picked her up..... being the gent I am and we went for dinner at a nice little relaxed eatery I often frequent. It is always good to take girls places where you are known.... it looks good! Apart from that, the food is great and the atmosphere warm and cosy..... perfect on a wet and windy march night.

Lucy looked fantastic, jeans and boots, black knee high...... spikey heels..... very dominatrix! and despite the cold wet weather.... a little bare midriff again... it's as if she can read my mind.... either that or she just plays her strengths?

We just about made it through or mains before the under the table fondling got the better of me..... whether she wanted dessert or coffee was never established..... I paid up and took her back to mine..... breaking the speed limit for the entire journey... which took some concentrating on with her head in my lap......

What a night..... as I have mentioned, the purpose of this evening (within the four date rules) is to make sure that I gave Lucy the best fuck of her life...... this started in the restaurant...... and judging by the awesome blowjob I was getting on the way back to my place she was in the mood just as much as I was!

You know how sometimes you feel totally at one with someone, and completely in tune with your own body? You can almost feel the imprint that you are making in the chair you are sat on, you feel intensely alive and connected to your body. Incredibly aware of every breath that you take, your chest rising and falling with each breath. It is as if you can feel your heart beating from outside of yourself, feel the blood pumping round your body, making your skin incredibly sensitive with each breath you take. Your breathing getting deeper as your heart beats faster and faster with each passing moment.... as you enjoy the moments that you are with that person..... becoming more and more in tune with your own being and wanting the warm feelings that are rushing through your body to continue forever..... the warm feelings as your heart pumps harder and harder and you feel yourself getting swept away by the emotional experience of being with that person....

.... I bet it was like that for her!

Like many men, I do struggle to stay awake after sex... I am all for secnds, thirds and more, but I do need a little break to regroup and gather myself..... now not many girls realise that.... it seems to me that the greatest incompatibility in nature is between girls and boys who have just had orgasms...... girls wake up and become tickly, fidgety, strokey and talkative....... whereas men go to sleep to regain there strength.... if they can despite the tickling, fidgety..... commotion going on around them.......

I can report that Lucy is a lot less fidgety than most.... yet another box ticked!!

Due to my unexpected bj in the car I was restricted to just the one encore before I was proper fucked....... thankfully it seems that Lucy considered herself to be proper fucked too which was convenient!

Perhaps some girls could tell me a thing?? Why do some girls.... who clearly have an active sex life..... still have lovely tight pussies.... and yet some others with out kids I might add are ..... shall we say.... bigger! Take "Maybe" as an example.... two kids and yet she has the tightest pussy you could imagine..... is it down to pelvic floor exercises? Or just hitting the gym on a regular basis? Anyway... Lucy is to be commended for keeping hers in excellent fettle..... its as tight as most girls arses!! Incidentally, I have a theory about the rise in popularity of anal sex..... but I will save that for another day.....

Roll on date 5..... we get to find out where Lucys line in the sand is?????

Interesting question........ the only answer is that being practical.... it happens to everyone...... everyone fucks about at some time, whether we kid ourselves that they don't or not is a matter for individuals.

It is a fact in the country that 1 in every 10 children is being raised by a "Dad" who isn't really their biological father, and they know nothing about it!!..... When Prince Harry was returning from the Gulf a week or so ago, the press asked Prince Charles if Harry would be proud to be met on the runway by his father.... Charles said "We're not letting that fucker come to the airport!!"

It is a fact of life that girls and boys are untrustworthy S O B's and I personally believe that it is better to accept that fact and deal with it than to think that the world is some rose scented nirvana that it plainly is not!

A better question to ask would be "Which is worse, to fuck someone coz you want to fuck someone (while in a relationship) or to have an affair and fall in love with someone while in a relationship?"

Lets face it, a manic fuckfest is no threat to an LTR, but start tugging at the heart strings and you can book the kids therapy sessions there and then!

Some might describe me as a cynic, but I am a practical realist...... we are just fleas on a dogs back..... none of it really matters a toss.... so eat, drink, dance and fuck..... for tomorrow we are truly fucked!

Bish... Bash..... Bosh....... had a great night with the lovely Lucy last night..... twice..... and once again this morning!......

We went for a few beers at our local early, then headed back to mine .... coz I had cooked dinner..... proper food too...... rack of lamb, mediteranean veg and herb roasted potatoes and though I say it myself it was one of my better efforts! I think I can safely say that Lucy and I are on the same wavelength.... which is a good thing..... I think....... she was as impressed as I needed her to be.....

Boys are like puppies with things like cooking... we need lots of praise and the odd treat to make it worth while.... and I certainly got a treat!!

Lucy has that rare ability of looking very good when she isn't trying.... I have always liked that in a girl, that they can still pull off "sexy" whilst covered in paint decorating.... yum yum!

We started watching a DVD...(tip, always pick a crap DVD if you don't actually want the chap to watch it!)..... as it turns out it was some chick flick bollocks.... the holiday..... needless to say picked by Lucy.... and it worked a treat.... she was half naked before the credits had finished!!!

All I can really say is.... OH MY GOD..... what a great fuck Lucy is..... it has been my experience that there is a depreciating curve of participation for girls ie; the fitter the girl the less she feels she needs to work hard to please the chap she's with.... cos she is fit. But less fit girls put in some effort and learn what feels good for a man and as a consequence become fantastic fucks.... and the really ropey ones..... well.... there is a saying, "you don't look at the fireplace while your stoking the fire"...... but I don't agree with that.....on the occasions that I have, I can't get it out of my mind that I'm nailing an uggo, and no amount of imagination can change that.

Anyway, back to the plot..... you can imagine that supermodels and moviestars are probably the worst fucks on the planet.... in spite of their looks etc because I don't think they would subconsciously feel like they needed to try very hard. Look at Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. My guess she is a lousy fuck .... but you can tell that Angelina is a dirty fuck........ and that is what men want.

Back to Lucy...... I love pretty girls that fuck like they mean it......
and she is and she does..... she sucks cock like it's a melting icecream and she doesn't want to waste any...... fan.. fucking ...tastic...... I had the best night I've had for a few years ....... she ticked so many boxes.......matching undies, small sexy too...... hollywood..... just the right amount of confident as well..... it is always disconcerting when you get a girl back to your place and she leaps on your cock like she's just been given water after a week in the desert..... it sends out the wrong signals.... for me at least.....

So the plan is now firmly on track...... I'm seeing her Saturday and I intend to give her the fucking of her life...... now we have the initial satiating of our mutual lusting out of the way..... it is time to do the job right........

Bizarrely I had an ex arrive unexpectedly for coffee this morning "Maybe" does this on occasion... I think she can smell happiness and needs to quash it from my life ...... long story short, my broadband was down all day so I couldn't work so I killed a couple of hours with "Maybe".... who incidentally should be renamed as all she ever says these days is yes!... so all in all an interesting 24 hours.... now I do feel dirty, but in a good way!

I have just spent a great 45 minutes on the phone with the lovely Lucy. I was in the midst of playing it uber-cool (as you do) by not contacting her between our..... PG rated dates, when my mobile chirped into life......haha I thought..... absence truly does make the heart grow fonder! I have a theory that this whole love thing is actually something you do to yourself when the object of your affection is not near you. It is the process of thinking about the other person that causes you to "fall in love with them" or as I prefer to describe it " really really want to fuck their brains out!"

Anyway it seems Lucy was starting to miss me..... and waiting until Wednesday.... the time of date no.3 was too much it seems?? Anyway, nice relaxed, cosy chat... no phone sex ...... what sort of chap do you take me for??...... I will make a bit of space for some quality "me" time later!

It turns out that I might not be the complete retard that I think I am.... I might even go as far as to say I am getting on very well with Lucy..... but like I have already said.... I am looking at her through "rose tinted testicles"....... and a man will find all sorts of things fun and interesting with full bollocks that rapidly lose their allure with empty ones. As an old friend of mine is fond of saying.."an empty sack is a happy sack!"

Long story short, I got the feeling that Lucy is as frustrated as I am..... so come Wednesday night she is gonna get her some boom boom..... either that or I am gonna explode!!

Have I mentioned her midriff....... fuck..... she is fit!

Gotta go.... "me" time is here........

As I predicted..... I woke up alone this morning.... but.... that doesn't mean that I didn't have a great night..... I did. We went for drinks... I have a hang up about feeding girls that won't put out!!
I haven't had such a nice relaxing evening for a long time..... and yes it could be said at this stage the the lovely Lucy has a fan..... she does indeed, but it has to be said that I am unfortunately looking at her through "Rose tinted testicles" as I like to call them..... this happens when I am denied conjugals....... but.... I am aware that my interest levels will subside just as quickly as they rose just as soon as I have given her what I can only now really describe as a bloody good seeing to!

They is no rational reason for this to happen, Lucy is properly lovely, good fun to be with..... even has a faint grasp of the offside rule..... which is a trait not to be sneezed at. I am at this stage hoping that something amazing happens to me between now and date 4 so I carry on fancying her...... cos she is..... fit.

Bare midriff again last night.... thought I was going to have aneurysm at one point!...... She is the kind of girl that thinks all dicks are permanently hard, having never seen a soft one........ and its understandable..........

.... damn I love girls............

As I am about to embark upon my second attempt at the summit now known as the lovely Lucy, and several of my readers have recently said in their blogs that they struggled to keep men , here is my take on my current situation and indeed theirs too!

Girls that I have known have always fallen into two distinct piles.... those that fuck on a first date and those that don't. I am I believe fairly promiscuous but that said all of my relationships have been with girls that I didn't fuck on the first date. Three dates in the accepted industry standard, any more and you run the risk of losing the attention on your beau.

The reasons for this are simple, all men to one extent or another want to be with someone who "had to be chased" it gives us a sense on achievment, that we have got something that other men can't have. If a girl fucks me on the first date then I know that she will fuck anyone on a first date.... and that will never sit well with a bloke..... how can he leave you alone for the weekend knowing that????

Men are basically small children, we think that we know what is best for us, but giving us unlimited pussy is like giving a kid the keys to a sweetshop.... it'lll be fun for an hour, but then you will be sick to death of sweets.

You need to keep a little back, always leave a man wanting more... that way he will come back for more....... don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean you should give him the wrong half of a blow job, then get dressed and go home..... hell no.... rule number 32: if you start a blow job, finish a blow job.... applies to men too.

The biggest relationships in my life have all been with girls who for one reason or another have left me wanting more. Access all areas pussy is what men think they want, and it is what many women think men want, but its not actually the case. The old saying " give a wolf a taste" applies here...... men want certain qualities in a GF that they don't need in a fuck buddy, even though the sex might ultimately be the same.

The most important thing is that if you act as though you respect yourself (ie don't chuck your ankles behind your ears the moment a guy smiles at you) then after a few dates he will respect you too.... and he will also have got to know you whilst you have been on your dates..... him thinking about when he will get to fuck you and you talking about god knows what.... I never listen.... too busy wondering when I'm getting the green light!

Anyway, after a few dates he will start to feel pot committed (see previous posts) and so will slip into the role of BF. Incidentally you should only try this on fresh meat as you current FBs will just think you are a mentalist if you suddenly change the rules..... the most common reason for losing a FB I believe! The reason for this is simple, once bread has become toast you can't make it back into bread again..... it's toast. Start with fresh bread and go from there.

I am now off to my second date with the lovely Lucy..... confident in the knowledge that I am going to be in a sex free environment for the second date running........ she might just be worth the wait though...... how I wish I could keep some interest in a girl after I have slept with them........ like I think I have said before, I had always hoped that it was something that I would grow out of, but instead it is becoming worse....... wouldn't it be great if the lovely Lucy changed all that??

Good luck one and all

I arrived at the pub promptly 5 minutes after 8....... the perfect time for a man to arrive on a date...... too early is to keen.... too late is rude...... but give a girl 5 minutes to start wondering if you are coming or not and it heightens their senses in some way... puts them on edge a little even.

Lucy had been there about an inch already which in girl spritzer terms has got to be about 10 or 15 minutes.... good sign!

She had clearly gone to lots of effort to look good... she looks good when she's working, but tonight she was extra polished....extra yum yum.

I got a drink, offered her another... obviously... and sat down..... it was nice to have her undivided attention as before I had had to share her with everyone in the pub..... I had booked a table at a little bistro just up the road so we finished our drinks and headed off.

Some girls are easy to talk to, others hard work, and a very few feel like you have known them for years..... Lucy falls into the latter category, the night went very well.....

Sometimes you get the feeling that people are agreeing with you just so that you like them...... and you can sense that they are not being their natural selves. Lucy was great company, relaxed, charming, funny, and totally herself... I got the feeling that this was just her, no pretentions, no games..... it's been a while since i had been on a date with someone this "normal" and it was refreshing.....

I also got the feeling as we sat laughing and joking over coffee that this was going to become more than a 4 dater.........

At this point I was prepared to bet a significant sum that I was not going to get my card stamped that night....... there is an exponential scale of likelihood for sex..... the more fun and the better she perceives that you got on and the better your prospects as future BF material..... the less likely you are to get laid..... unfair as it may be.... it has been my observation over the years that girls looking for BF's don't shag until at least date 3.... sometimes even later....

Now I have a theory that relates to poker.......

In simple terms.... girls want relationships...men want sex...... I know that dynamic is shifting, but we're talking "old school" theory...

If a girl gives a chap what he wants.. namely a fuck then he has less incentive to go back.... men are animals, hunter gatherers, we like to chase and to catch what we hunt..... now if lunch just trotted up and jumped in a lions mouth he would get fed sure, but he wouldn't feel like he had earned dinner... like he had won it and brought it home to feed the family. Men need to feel like they have won, or beaten another man to something.... that's why we like sports.....

So, ....back to poker..... if you get dealt a hand and it isn't much good, then it has only cost a little to start the hand, so throwing it away isn't much of a loss. However, if you have played the hand few a couple of betting rounds then you will have invested a significant sum in it and hence be inclined to see it through to the end..... win or lose, you become what is called "pot committed", you have to keep putting more and more in cos you will lose too much walking away.....

Girls looking for a BF do the same thing....... give a wolf a taste, then leave him dangling...... see him a few times..... let him get to know you..... and after a week or two of this he will be gagging to fuck you and will also find himself "pot committed" as your BF by the time he gets to do so!

Long story short, we had a kiss and a cuddle, I tried, she denied access..... seeing her Friday.....

Did I mention she has an arse like a peach..... (and I don't mean orange and furry!)

Could end up as a seven dater at this rate!!

Girls, you should all have a look at this and take note..... your relationships will be much better once you have got your head around what makes us tick!

It seems that I am now taking requests!!! Due to popular demand hear is some more info on Just say no....

We have known each other on and off for over ten years.... been fucking each other on and off for most of that time.... with a few LTR's preventing such shenigans here and there on both our parts.

She has a certain something it has to be said, but not enough to get a game every saturday..... she is more of a substitute player, leave her on the bench and perhaps give her a run out in the second half if you're losing and need a score!! (I like this football analogy...)I may well return to it in the future!

She has lots going for her but doesn't always believe in her own abilities..... not good for her, but very handy for gits like me!! Over the years I have tried several times to open her eyes to what she could be doing with herself...... especially with her Dyson like suction and a couple of other party tricks that would float any mans boat.

I have never understood pretty, smart girls with esteem issues..... blokes have the opposite problem.... with fat uggos think they are Clooney lookalikes!

One of "Just say nos" best attributes is that she dresses very well.... everytime I have had the pleasure of having the pleasure she always has the prettiest lingerie on, and it always really suits her. Lots of girls think sticking anything small on will cut it..... it won't!

She looks very fuckable in her undies...... which is probably part of why I never say no....... so why is it that when I wake up in the morning I would gladly gnaw off my arm if she were lying on it rather than wake her?? At times I think I must be missing a gene or something.... I must have only got the humping gene... and missed out on the hand holding one!!

Anyway.. to more exciting topics.... tomorrow I get date one with the lovely Lucy.......... yum yum

I am staying in tonight....... I am still appalled nay disappointed at my conduct last night....... I shouldn't let "HIM" make all my major life decisions....... mind you at least life is fun when I do!!

"just say no" is a long standing boomerang bonk of mine, named thus because either I or for that matter her should "just say no"!

She woke up in my bed this morning........ which is the first time this year to be fair, and the first since Autumn if not a bit earlier. I tripped over her in town whilst bar hopping and as so often happens with her after I have had a beer of two, I brought her home.

You see its like this, she is fit.... in almost every department she is an eight with most voters, except on the sanity vote where to be frank she is left wanting....... there have been times where if I had had bunnies....... then I would no longer have bunnies.... if you get my drift. I have had nights with her where the sex was brilliant, and yet other nights where it was akin to humping a bear trap!

Now I must confess that I do like a bit of a spark, a girl with an edge to her, but "Just say no" is so much more than that..... its like she is rowing but only one oar is in the water.....

So with neither of us seemingly prepared to "Just say no" this recurrent one night stand scenario looks set to pervade. Each morning when I stick her in a taxi I tell myself next time to be strong.... but with wearying monotony she appears in my bed on a Sunday...... and to be blunt, I think whatever twisted magic we have when we are drunk, disappears when the beer wears off. I think she would agree with that too.

I will say one thing though...... she could suck a grapefruit through a drinking straw..... and that cancels out a whole lot of crazy!!

I decided last night to bust some moves on the lovely Lucy and see what happened. I was getting good vibes from her the night before, so thought I would take my usual predatory role and see what happened.

As I walked into the pub she caught my eye almost instantly, spun round to grab a pint glass and waved it at me in a questioning manner.... I gave her what is I believe the standard "please may I have two of those gesture" namely the Churchill "V" sign as I had an old mate in tow.

It is always warming to receive your drink just as you are perching yourself on your barstool, it give a sense not only of belonging, but of unspoken importance.....(or is that just me?)

Lucy was looking good, tight well cut ripped jeans, crop top showing a great looking midriff...... I told you I was a sucker for a flat stomach...... and there it was, not an ounce of fat in site, no muffin top, no back boobs...... there and then I was in pub viewing paradise!

The icing on and otherwise fantastic cake was that she had felt the need for no unneccessary adornments, no pierced belly button (why do girls do that?) and best of all, no whore mark........... (that isn't as derogatary as it sounds, it is a play on words from hallmark.... i.e. a stamp on jewellery to signify quality....... a whore mark....i.e. a tattoo on a girl at the base of the spine to signify a lack of quality!)

Once again I have to ask the question "why would you have such a thing on your body?"....... I have yet to see a tattoo that made someone look better............ do you add it so that men have something to look at whilst fucking you doggy style?? If that's the case you could maybe have sudoku or a crossword instead? and you could have a pen clipped to your belly button dangly thing maybe??

Anyway, I digress..... there I was looking the loving Lucy up and down with what could only be described as a lascivious grin on my face when I realised that she was watching me watching her...... as I caught her eye she said " when you are quite finished.....?" but I couldn't help but notice that she was blushing a little as she said it. I left her to work for a bit and caught up with my mates life, trials and tribulations..... as the conversation twisted and turned I couldn't help but notice Lucy looking over on occasion.... now of course she might have just been looking to see if we needed a refill yet...... but that isn't how my brain works..... she's interested, of course she is!

As the evening wears on I warm more and more to the charms of the lovely Lucy, by our 6th pint I have nothing else on my mind..... much to the disgust of my mate!

I take my chance while he is taking a piss and Lucy is replenishing our drinks........ something along the lines of " It would be great to have the chance to get to know you better..... do you fancy dinner one night next week?" To the point, not too strong.... I thought I had a nice balance between saying what I was thinking and being polite and respectful......... she looked me up and down, screwed her nose up (which incidentally was very very sexy!) and said she would think about it......... well I'll be fucked.... or not........ I fucking hate fucking "MAYBE" !!!!!

The lovely Lucy instantly became challenge No.1........

In a situation like this is is all too easy to take a passive role and sit back waiting for the girl to make her mind up..... it has been my experience that that rarely happens and only leads to a period of disquiet in your life. Far better to force the issue without appearing too aggressive at the same time.

We had another pint, and decided upon a curry to finish the evening. As we stood to leave I called her over and gave her my business card with my mobile on it. "My dinner invitation was a limited invite" I say, "it expires at midnight"...... the thing about ultimatums is that you need to be prepared for the worst consequence as that will be the outcome at least 66% of the time. I consider a "NO" to be an improvement on a "Maybe" so I am not going to lose anything if this doesn't pay off, but if it does then I will have regained the upper hand.....which is always a good place for an Alpha male to be.

I smiled at her as her hand lingered just a little too long when she took the card from me, resisted the temptation to wink at her (why do men do that..... it seldom looks good!) and headed for the curry house, time 11:03.

We get through the popadums and the starters, my mate discussing a new business venture that he is very keen to get going, and I lose track of the time. As I am tucking into my Lamb Rogan Josh my phone chirps into life....... a text message...... the chicken! ...... "Tuesday 8pm meet u in the pub,xx ....... the time 11:59......... I like the way this girls mind works!

Bish..... Bash....... Bosh..........